Monday, December 27, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
So, get excited…I got a job interview. I’m still not sure how I pulled it off. It is at a company that does branding, marketing/advertising, pr and promotion—you get the idea. Well applied for a job as a media planner, and no I had no idea what the hell a media planner’s role was at the time. My best friend works at this company, has been there for a year or so—but it buddies with one the executive people in the ‘branch’ I was applying to. Clearly my hesitancy with the lingo demonstrates how much I belong in this world. So despite having no real idea what it was—aside from a lot of social media knowledge and marketing, I applied.
I feel like right now in creative fields-or pseudo creative fields in cool work environments you either have to be a nonchalant genius—ala Mark Zuckerburg in The Social Network—or completely look the part even though you might be incompetent—like Olivia on The City. Now my sister’s initial fear when I she heard I saw The Social Network was that I would think it would be easy to become a bagillionaire. FALSE, now I know you have to be a fucking genius
and you are not really allowed to look to cool until you are forty. So I would have to wear plain grey tees, levis, and old sneakers—which might be endearing on a guy, but definitely not on a woman. Anyway, I’m going with a happy medium for the interview, which I magically obtained through a slammin’ resume that I made look like recipe cards (a play on the ‘kitchen’ in the company’s name) and the fact that my friend brought my resume to HR.
I am going to look cool…that is my strategy. I hear the company is very laid back, but very trendy, and they want you to be an individual, which means I can ear leopard print, always a plus. I gots a camel colored just-above-the-knee skirt ( plus a back-up black pencil skirt), a creamy loose blouse, and gorgeous brown, leather pumps from Nine West. No I just need a slammin’
necklace or a scarf—that’s not cream or beige, got to break up the palate. So, I am going to look the bomb diggity and cram on the company like the freshman before exams. I think it’s an A+ strategy.
The other think was start following pertinent people/blogs on twitter and in the blogging world. One that has actually turned out to be really interesting is mashable.com, which has “social media news and web tips”. I had come across this blog a few times before when I was googling tips for figuring something out with twitter or blogging, but it is so much more. Plus, he posted something on the Internet and cats. I can’t help who I am, but if you bring cats into anything, I’ll find it interesting.
Monday, October 18, 2010
So, a week ago I went to NYC to visit my BFF (I love acronyms). I had brainstormed a post on the train—having very little access to the internet even though the mofos said they have internet on the Acela. LIES I tell you, LIES. Regardless, I found my brainstorm recently, so sorry for the delay, one person that reads my blog.
First it says ‘Phelps case’—this a came across through twitter stalking Perez Hilton if I remember correctly is an upcoming supreme court case—Snyder v. Phelps—between the father of a dead Marine (Snyder) and Fred Phelps, a Baptist pastor, who led a protest at his funeral/burial. The protestors carried signs like “You’re going to hell” and “Thank God for Dead Soldiers”. In the words of our favorite you tube star—is this real life? “These people ought to be so thankful to us, says Phelps, regarding the message he and his followers send. We should be thankful to him for making su aware essentially. Snyder sees it as harassment—in the video I gave you a link to he says it is, in fact, less about Free Speech than harassment. I don’t know all the facts—but it doesn’t seem to me that your message, Mr. Phelps, is very well expressed with slogans like that, and if it is take your hateful self back to Kansas and preach to people that want to be preached to. What made this news even crazier to me was that I heard about it alongside a new health scare—TOASTED SKIN SYNDROME—everyone hide yo’ family.
Now, I know it sounds like it involves shoving your hand in a toaster but it is actually even less believable than that. It is caused from having a hot laptop in (guess where!) you lap! Toasted lap syndrome I can relate to because DAYUMMM my computer can heat up. There haven’t been many cases reported but for some reason it was considered newsworthy enough to be on my MSNBC podcast.
If I have excited fear in your hearts and caused you to throw your laptop in the bathtub—be careful, we don’t electrocution on top of the toasted lap epidemic—have no fear. Look what I found for you on amazon!—a ‘laptop cooling heatshift pad’.I personally chose to take the risk of toast lap since I don’t have $30 to spend, but if I did—well, I still wouldn’t buy it. BUT if it was given to me as a gift and I couldn’t possibly return it I would bedazzle the edges and heat it up with my laptop and give to my cat to sleep on.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Did I mention that I am blessed with the ability to watch the Ellen show every day? So my world has been open to the magic of magic and education videos like this one, which taught me that my relationship with my cats is completely healthy, despite what my sister says. I also plan on cleaning my baby’s the same way, because there will be no baby-daddies. Realistically, it is probably ideal, because the baby is clean, but hasn’t been too sheltered from germs since dogs also lick their butts with their tongues.
Another great thing Ellen is doing as the 10th most powerful woman in the world on the Forbes list (where they could have used a better picture—hello! She is a cover girl!)…Sorry, I got a little distracted…anyway, she is bring people who need love together, namely by having a dating contest for Tony, the DJ on her show. Obviously, I am entering it, for a few reasons:
1. I am single
2. I watch Ellen every morning
3. The world of Ellen seems to be where people go to make rainbows happen
4. I want rainbows
5. And I have slowly fallen in television love with Tony
I am single and I have no full-time job.
So here are all the questions I have to answer—and let me tell you I plan on winning, the questions is how outrageous can I be, or am I better of being normal/outrageous.
* Hidden talents:
* What's the best date you've ever been on?
* What's the worst date you've ever been on?
* Favorite TV show:
* Favorite romantic movie:
* If you were an animal, what would you be?
* If Tony were an animal, what would he be?
* What's your favorite thing about Tony?
* Why do you think you're the perfect woman for Tony?
* What would you do on your date with Tony?
* Can you dance?
* What did you do last night?
* Complete the following sentences: I would never be caught dead _______.
* Complete the following sentences: I have a huge ________.
* Complete the following sentences: I hate it when guys ____________.
Hobbies and Hidden Talents--that is a challenge, as I have so many, but they are so hard to demonstrate. But I am thinking I’ll be honest about hidden talents: finding things, dressing up like animals, sing-talking, and slingin’ booze. As for hobbies, they seem to be pretty related but maybe I should show that I am not a dope so I’ll say Shakespeare, speaking Spanish, and getting leashes on my cats. Allergies—well I’m allergic to everything in nature, but I don’t know if that is necessary to share. The best and worst dates—some I truly can’t share—woof! The worst might be the blind-ish date at a Chinese food restaurant with a guy I men online who turned out to be balding, and that is just the tip of the online dating iceberg. And best date, I would say performing song and dance medleys to show tunes and Disney music.
Now favorite TV show, obviously The Ellen Show, but I’d like to add a little more spice to that—say a little Man v. Wild or Cats 101. I can’t bullshit about my favorite romantic movie-hello-Pride and Prejudice, but I think it’s important to show that I am lighthearted—so also The Newsies, because I grew up with romantic feelings for those boys.
We would both have to be cats, but maybe I would mix it up and replace house cat breeds with wildcat breads—I also just like the sound of ‘badger’, so maybe I’ll throw that in. And without question, aside from his laugh and penchant for appearing in crime shows, I love how humble and shocked he is about how great his body looks in photos no matter how many times Ellen shows it. This appreciation I have is partly why I am the perfect woman for him, I could tell him how beautiful he is everyday, and since I am currently only work part-time at a liquor store, I have the time to dote on him and give him the attention he deserves, including protecting him from birds and dancing whenever he plays a song.
For our first date, though I am old fashioned and think the man should plan it, Ill throw on some pants and begin by wooing him with Spanish in the limo on the way to a restaurant like Orchid, in LA, where I can feed him steamed dumplings and sing him heart wrenching ballads. It also asks, as you may have noticed, if you can dance—to that I say “Hullllooooo?” “Yes, whether you like it or not, playa!”. The answer to the next question about what I did last night is a but troubling. I sang to my cat in front of the fire drinking wine while my sister videotaped it, I don’t really think I need to go further. Something most people probably wouldn’t be caught dead doing, but I can’t help who I am. More likely, I would never be caught dead without leopard print on, in some form. It isn’t so much that I wouldn’t want someone to do it, it just isn’t likely to happen. Following that, I can say “I have a huge” obsession with leopard print. But maybe I’ll go more along the “I have a huge cat” route, because he is as big as a dog. Now the last one is a can of worms, “I hate it when guys…”—I hate it when guys do most things, but mostly, I hate when the don’t sing me to sleep, is that really so much to ask?
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
1. I am a sweater- not a woolen garment knit by a grandma, but someone that sweats a lot, like an Italian.
2. It is incredibly humid outside and I was driving around frantically for an apartment spot since I was late.
3. I had already been sweating because I got ANOTHER parking ticket (I realize you don’t know the history, but I’m bitter needless to say).
4. Prior to that I had my vagina waxed off by a Russian, something that would induce sweating in anyone. Plus, I rushed there because I had taken forever trying to find quarters for the meter. IRONIC.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
I had my first drawing class tonight, 6-9, three nice long hours of drawing circles and squares. I understand, better than a lot of people, that you have to start somewhere. What really got to me was the repetition, and the scrape of chalk, and the 60 year-old woman who thought she was hilarious. Enough with the side remarks! You are not Ellen Degeneres! You do not have her wit just because you watch her show (she mentioned she was retired). I envisioned this woman as the cool girl in high school/college and this his her first class since college so she immediately reverted back to that behavior, feeding off of the idea that everyone wants to play with her and she has an audience to please. Ufffffffff. Aside from this woman there are four other 60 year olds, give or take a few years, three girls in high school, one 45 year old woman who is 'advanced' so she draws separately, and then me-smack in the middle. The teacher is a sassy, experienced instructor who had us begin by going around and introducing ourselves, after a few "Well, I have an empty nest" and "I recently retired" it was my turn:
"Hi, I live in the next town and I just graduated from college"
"I don't have a job because I majored in English and studio art, so I am filling in my free time"
Then there was no clapping, but awkward silence and chuckles and I was that girl that might be a little bitchy...but, I felt like I was in a support group...something that might be fitting if you ask any of my family members who have experienced the wrath that ensues when I have to much free time (thus classes).
Anyway, aside from getting frustrated trying to draw boxes, I learned that it is even harder for old people to draw boxes, which made me happy because I was getting a head start on box drawing and I wasn't 60-yet.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
I had my first drawing class tonight, 6-9, three nice long hours of drawing circles and squares. I understand, better than a lot of people, that you have to start somewhere. What really got to me was the repetition, and the scrape of chalk, and the 60 year-old woman who thought she was hilarious. Enough with the side remarks! You are not Ellen Degeneres! You do not have her witt just because you watch her show (she mentioned she was retired). I envisioned this woman eeeas the cool girl in high school/college and this his her first class since college so she immediately reverted back to that behavior, feeding off of the idea that everyone wants to play with her and she has an audience to please. Ufffffffff. Aside from this woman there are four other 60 year olds, give or take a few years, three girls in high school, one 45 year old woman who is 'advanced' so she draws separately, and then me-smack in the middle. The teacher is a sassy, experienced instructor who had us begin by going around and introducing ourselves, after a few "Well, I have an empty nest" and "I recently retired" it was my turn:
"Hi, I live in the next town and I just graduated from college"
Monday, June 28, 2010
Apparently I procrastinate just as much in school as out of it, and it isn't as though I have been exceedingly busy. I fill my time with reading books the way some people eat...so fast you wonder if they have even tasted their meal, or gotten it in thir mouth, judging by Pollack like splattering of crumbs on their chins and laps. I, likewise, devour books, and then add them to the stacks around my book case. My library hasn't been containted to my book case since I got it in fifth grade. Despite all these book I read, I don't feel very very smart (lets not even talk about the fact that I still feel this way after four years of college)
About three weeks ago this same idea hit me, that Iw as dumb and all, so I went into Borders (gag, and don't tell my family, who shops exclusively at amazon for everything...we'll get there later). ANyway, I went into Borders and did some browsing for intellectual stimuli so I could get smart. I browsed...passing by the romantic comedy books and mystery/suspense new releases, nothing new was up to par. I ended up leaving with Ovid's Metamorphosis and some of his erotic poems, some softcore classical porn that causd my mom to raise her eyebrows at...needless to say I actually can't find them now, and she is the prime suspect, ever the prude. So I have a few books like this that I consider projects...Ovid of course, Harry Potterand the Half-Blood Prince in spanish (Harry Potter y el misterio del principe). I put in some of the books I have read in the past month that are worth mentioning...
Extremelly Loud and Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safran Foer
The Italian Lover, Robert Hellenga
The Blood of Flowers, Anita Amirrezvani
The Thin Place, Kathryn Davis
A Heartbraking Work of Staggering Genius, Eggers
People of the Book, Geraldine Brooks
March, Geraldine Brooks
Peace and pickles