Friday, October 1, 2010

"Everones here are sweating"

Enough with the five-part plan!! I’m thinking this right now in my art history course, one of those courses I am taking so my brain doesn’t die. It is pretty frigid in here. It always is, but especially so today, since the sweat I was covered in when I got here has since frozen to icicles (Yah! I am being dramatic). I was sweating for a few reasons:
1. I am a sweater- not a woolen garment knit by a grandma, but someone that sweats a lot, like an Italian.
2. It is incredibly humid outside and I was driving around frantically for an apartment spot since I was late.
3. I had already been sweating because I got ANOTHER parking ticket (I realize you don’t know the history, but I’m bitter needless to say).
4. Prior to that I had my vagina waxed off by a Russian, something that would induce sweating in anyone. Plus, I rushed there because I had taken forever trying to find quarters for the meter. IRONIC.

I hadn’t been to The Russians in a while (interjection, the guy next to me keeps staring). The Russians are the waxers, just to clarify. Apparently there are three; I thought there were two. I go see Irene when I want it over with. Irene can do the whole job in 10 minutes—which is intense, and not for the faint of heart. Oksana treat me like a baby. It can take 20 minutes but she chats the whole time. I know all about her kids and her conflicted emotions over the youngest ones 13th birthday party. Today I had someone new—Lubya. I should have known it would be could since her name was so close to labia. I’m sorry; did I take that too far? Anyway, Lubya is a big lady, who at first resembles a prison warden with makeup, not unlike the new coach on Glee. Not only did she do lamaz breathing before she ripped each strip off. Lubya also guess I was a Libra and told me that it must have been a hard year, since the year of the tiger is hard for people born the year of the rabbit. WHAT! Free fortune telling come with the Brazilian, I am IN. Then, as I flipped over so she could wax my backside, she asked if I worked out, “You can always tell the one’s who do”. That was after she gave me a towel with the consoling statement “Everyones here is sweating, dun worry”. The rest made up for that, especially when she said she wished each one was like me, because the pairing of Libra and year of the Rabbit means I’m strong with a lot of endurance, which might account for all the sweat.

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