Win a date

Did I mention that I am blessed with the ability to watch the Ellen show every day? So my world has been open to the magic of magic and education videos like this one, which taught me that my relationship with my cats is completely healthy, despite what my sister says. I also plan on cleaning my baby’s the same way, because there will be no baby-daddies. Realistically, it is probably ideal, because the baby is clean, but hasn’t been too sheltered from germs since dogs also lick their butts with their tongues.

Another great thing Ellen is doing as the 10^th most powerful woman in the world on the Forbes list (where they could have used a better picture—hello! She is a cover girl!)…Sorry, I got a little distracted…anyway, she is bring people who need love together, namely by having a dating contest for Tony, the DJ on her show. Obviously, I am entering it, for a few reasons:

1. I am single

2. I watch Ellen every morning

3. The world of Ellen seems to be where people go to make rainbows happen

4. I want rainbows

5. And I have slowly fallen in television love with Tony

I am single and I have no full-time job.

So here are all the questions I have to answer—and let me tell you I plan on winning, the questions is how outrageous can I be, or am I better of being normal/outrageous.

Interests:

* Hobbies:

* Hidden talents:

* Allergies:

* What's the best date you've ever been on?

* What's the worst date you've ever been on?

* Favorite TV show:

* Favorite romantic movie:

* If you were an animal, what would you be?

* If Tony were an animal, what would he be?

* What's your favorite thing about Tony?

* Why do you think you're the perfect woman for Tony?

* What would you do on your date with Tony?

* Can you dance?

* What did you do last night?

* Complete the following sentences: I would never be caught dead _______.

* Complete the following sentences: I have a huge ________.

* Complete the following sentences: I hate it when guys ____________.

Hobbies and Hidden Talents--that is a challenge, as I have so many, but they are so hard to demonstrate. But I am thinking I’ll be honest about hidden talents: finding things, dressing up like animals, sing-talking, and slingin’ booze. As for hobbies, they seem to be pretty related but maybe I should show that I am not a dope so I’ll say Shakespeare, speaking Spanish, and getting leashes on my cats. Allergies—well I’m allergic to everything in nature, but I don’t know if that is necessary to share. The best and worst dates—some I truly can’t share—woof! The worst might be the blind-ish date at a Chinese food restaurant with a guy I men online who turned out to be balding, and that is just the tip of the online dating iceberg. And best date, I would say performing song and dance medleys to show tunes and Disney music.

Now favorite TV show, obviously The Ellen Show, but I’d like to add a little more spice to that—say a little Man v. Wild or Cats 101. I can’t bullshit about my favorite romantic movie-hello-Pride and Prejudice, but I think it’s important to show that I am lighthearted—so also The Newsies, because I grew up with romantic feelings for those boys.

We would both have to be cats, but maybe I would mix it up and replace house cat breeds with wildcat breads—I also just like the sound of ‘badger’, so maybe I’ll throw that in. And without question, aside from his laugh and penchant for appearing in crime shows, I love how humble and shocked he is about how great his body looks in photos no matter how many times Ellen shows it. This appreciation I have is partly why I am the perfect woman for him, I could tell him how beautiful he is everyday, and since I am currently only work part-time at a liquor store, I have the time to dote on him and give him the attention he deserves, including protecting him from birds and dancing whenever he plays a song.

For our first date, though I am old fashioned and think the man should plan it, Ill throw on some pants and begin by wooing him with Spanish in the limo on the way to a restaurant like Orchid, in LA, where I can feed him steamed dumplings and sing him heart wrenching ballads. It also asks, as you may have noticed, if you can dance—to that I say “Hullllooooo?” “Yes, whether you like it or not, playa!”. The answer to the next question about what I did last night is a but troubling. I sang to my cat in front of the fire drinking wine while my sister videotaped it, I don’t really think I need to go further. Something most people probably wouldn’t be caught dead doing, but I can’t help who I am. More likely, I would never be caught dead without leopard print on, in some form. It isn’t so much that I wouldn’t want someone to do it, it just isn’t likely to happen. Following that, I can say “I have a huge” obsession with leopard print. But maybe I’ll go more along the “I have a huge cat” route, because he is as big as a dog. Now the last one is a can of worms, “I hate it when guys…”—I hate it when guys do most things, but mostly, I hate when the don’t sing me to sleep, is that really so much to ask?