Thursday, March 3, 2011


 It is my first day back in the real world, and by real world I mean I am sitting on the couch at 11 AM watching television.  My sister and I spent the past five days at Boca Raton Resort (i.e. The Waldorf something-or-other).

The hotel was very nice, obviously-I mean, it is a Waldorf. Unfortunately with a name like, I had a lot of expectations. Our room was great—as in great location, with a beautiful view. The room was definitely in the best building, I mean, hello…JAY LENO was staying in the tower too.  Our huge, beautiful view had the entire property the ocean, the waterway, and all the manatees in between—literally, manatee sightings. When we were at the pool, people probably thought we were incredibly pensive, back to the pool, looking out on the waterway. But no, we were just looking for manatees, or our favorite lizard, Alberto.

See that guy in the navy suit? It's Mr. Leno
We sat in the same area of the pool everyday, despite almost getting into brawl on Day #2, he result of some of her entitlement issues (probably the only drawback to the hotel, the guest attitudes at times). We split every meal at pool, and got no crap for it. Apparently, we really can do whatever you want at a Waldorf. Our theory was they would never say no, they just might suggest an alternate way to do it – i.e. “ I would like to hire an assassin”, “Well, ma’am, we don’t offer that service but I do respect your wishes. Could I propose toothpaste on the seat prank to save you legal expenses?” Jen and I eventually adapted and were able to take advantage of this; I even sent my breakfast sausage back because it was cold. HOW EMPOWERING! But, really, I used to always make Jen do that stuff, but I guess if your paying for that kind of service, you should take advantage of it. (We were using Hilton points, but no one had to know that).

Along with lacking the sense of entitlement other guests had, we also lacked the wealth, but saved loads more money by bringing our own snacks. LOTS OF SNACKS. The white, stretch limo that picked us up (yeah, I said limo) brought us to the grocery store and liquor store on the way to the hotel. Quite a site, pulling up to a Publix in a limo, and walking out with Cheez-Its and beer. Pure class.

If only we’d had our celebrity sighting when we were in our limo. We saw Michael Lohan. That was more Jen…

“That guys just really stared at us. He looks so much like Mike Cogan”.
“Yeah...what does Mike Cogan look like?”-That’s how far from my head Michael Lohan is. Finally, I figured out who she was talking about, but of course I didn’t believe her, so I decided to prove her wrong, and shouted “LOHAN”, and that man whipped his head around, so I hid under a towel for a half hour. I believed Jen the next three times she saw a celebrity. She saw Donny Deutsch, who I still don’t know.  The best ones were Marimoto, the Iron Chef, and Jay Leno, who actually smiled at Jen when he walked by during breakfast. We ate Marimoto's restaurant there the night before he came ...of course... but the food was delicious. I had spicy shrimp tempura roll and a ginger mango drink. It was awesome, they made the drink with Canton, which I have tried since I worked at a liquor store but never splurged on buying it - it is delicious. Did I say it was delicious yet?

A close second to that meal, was our spa day. We went when it open so we could use the services all day, for me that meant everything: eating the free food, steam room, sauna, inhalation room (no drugs just eucalyptus), and the pool. In the hallway to the door to go out to the pool there was a little table with fresh fruit, lemon and mint water, cucumbers, and cold face clothes. After sitting at the pool and drinking fresh iced tea all day we went in and showered before our ritual bath, and waited in the lounge area (that might have been nicer than our room).  

The treatment started with the steam room, our 'facilitator' took our robes-so yes, we were standing naked in the middle of the hallway-and gave us a cold glass of water and sent us in. The we went to a personal tub, full of bubbles, where we had a cactus face mask, exfoliant, and a yummy little dish of grapefruit sorbet. The next two treatment where like medieval torture methods. I climbed into what look like a well, and had my butt massaged by jets - then she pushed the DELUGE button. Just that word, I have only ever used that for overwhelming quantities of things - like insults or booze. So I felt like I was a protester in the 60s with a fire hose on my back, it certainly loosened my muscles. Next was the Swiss shower, AKA nipple eraser, AKA hell. You stand in a closed chamber with little jets of water that spray really, really, really hard. Its like being sand blasted, and I warn you to cover your sensitive parts if you want to keep them intact. It was especially challenging since I'm short, probably four inches too short-so I also got blasted in the face. No breathing for me. What made it worse was that I couldn't see, but the lady specifically told to press the jet button not the deluge button to stop it - and I couldn't find it. Finally, I escaped and got to go into a big group jacuzzi, just like in Rome (hence 'Ritual Bath'). All in all an exhausting luxurious day. 
Pretty flower from our room service

1 comment:

  1. I laughed so hard at this that I started to cry.... In a hotel lobby. But not a Hilton